Gratitude.
As I take some time to reflect on the year gone by, the first word that comes to mind is gratitude. How fitting that it is the first word since that was my focus this year.
Two a half years ago I attended an event and one of the many gifts from that event was the realization that I didn’t know how to receive. I was quick to give but unable to receive. I remember vividly how I rationalized not taking from anyone. If you were to offer me something, anything, I would politely (because that’s what Mom taught me) say “no thank you”. I had the firm belief that by not taking from you, I was actually giving to you.
How selfish.
That’s what I realize now. It was actually selfish of me to not be a gracious receiver when offered something. I held so tightly to believing that I was serving you that I didn’t see how I was actually taking away from you. I always knew that when I offered someone something, I deeply wanted it to be accepted graciously because I had wanted to give it to them.
What I had never considered was that if I am not graciously accepting, I’m taking from you the piece that I love so much when I give to others.
This point was made very clear to me at the event nearly 3 years ago. I was given a $100 bill to use as I choose toward furthering my learning and growth. Before it was even handed to me, the moment I saw it coming, I put up my hand and immediately said, “I can’t take that from you.” Of course, they must have been experienced with the game that I played and told me my not taking it wasn’t an option. They shared that they already talked and decided that instead of spending it in the casino later, they wanted it to go to good use and they wanted that to be for me. Eventually I accepted and we made our separate ways back to our seats.
Later, as I was re-telling this incident to my group, I shared the story with them and immediately I was told that my problem isn’t manifesting (aligning with what I desire), my problem is actually RECEIVING. In order to be able to give abundantly, I need to receive graciously. As I receive more, I have more to give. It’s a circle and without both pieces, I’ll eventually run out of giving.
I had lived in my world of not wanting to receive because I didn’t want to take for over 30 years! Imagine my surprise when I was awakened to this new and exciting concept. I had agreed during that event that I would ask for opportunities to be a gracious receiver. Of course, I received many wonderful gifts during that time. Then, I decided that I wanted to take it a step further. This year I chose to allow this to be a weekly practice.
As I reflect back on this past year, I am in sincere gratitude for all the gifts that I have received. I have been practicing being a gracious receiver and accept, with open arms and a big heart, all that has been given to me. Receiving has taught me more about gratitude than I could have imagined. I am grateful to you for you are on this journey with me. Thank you.
What an exciting year 2011 has been. What has been most exciting for you? What are you most looking forward to in 2012?
